Pffffft

Having one of those weekends ...

Archie still has a bad back.

And now has an ear infection thingummy too  

And we certainly didn't order this weather.

Although we're pretty certain that we did put in a request

for someone to turn the radiator on.

Well?

A surprise!

We got a mystery surprise present the other day

It's very pretty ...

But what is it?

I have no idea.

But this floor needs a wash.

Apparently all will be revealed in due course,

when we have a guest blogger, Sue Wilkinson of Happy Paws,

who will be explaining it.

She kindly made it for us, because our Madwoman's

sloth knows no bounds ...

Brrrrr ....

 

Brrrrrrrrr.....

Bit brass wippitts this morning.

So we had our breakfast porridge in bed.

Nom nom nom

 



Blown away

We accompanied the Madwoman to the crem to see

if our Grandpa Woods' flowers needed redoing yet.

The answer to that was yes.

They had blown away completely.

So had the ones next door.

 

We also found out what happened to all the lost and

unwanted Christmas trees.

They huddle round the bin, still wearing

all their Christmas finery.

The Madwoman was all set to give them a home,

but thought we'd better leave them in case they too had simply

been victims of the windy weather.

Outstanding treats

We are thinking about enrolling the Madwoman on some kind of class

where she can learn to do sums.

It is quite clear that she has absolutely no grasp of even the most basic of

arithmetical skills - which would be fine if it wasn't that her deficiencies in this area are seriously impacting on our enjoyment of life.

Let us explain: 

We got lots of scrummy treats for Christmas.

They turned out to be outstanding in more ways than one though.

Fish skins! We LOVE fish skins!
And it says we can have 5! Each.
We got one. Each.

Nom nom nom.

Sea jerky! We love sea jerky!

And it says we can have 9 each day.

We got one each.

Yum! Special Lily's Kitchen Christmas biscuits with turkey, cranberry

thyme and cinnamon. They smelled so good the Madwoman even nicked one.

Angel read the packet VERY carefully.

It distinctly says we can have 5 biscuits a day.

Each.

How many did we get?

One.

Each.

Right, you're getting an idea of the nature and scale of the problem now, yes?

This is a pack of luxury chicken, banana, honey, chamomile and lavender biccies.

On the pack it says 'feed any time'.

We got one.

Each.

                                     

This is a pack of bics for Chubby Dogs.

Bit rude, we thought, but a biscuit is a biscuit and if they're low-cal, then hey,

that means we can eat lots of them, right?

Wrong.

We got one. Each.

Can't go wrong with these, surely?

A tub full of liver training treats.

The label says we can have 60 - yes, that's right, 60 - of them a day. Each.

But you can see the pattern that is emerging, can't you?

We got one. Each.

And because they are training treats we had to do a sit and wait for them.

It appears the Madwoman is unable to add up beyond one.

It's a miracle we haven't starved.

We can only be grateful that division and fractions are equally utterly beyond her.

But just in case, we are keeping sharp knives away from her and

we will be buying her an abacus for her birthday.

Christmas round up

Wow.

Has it really been that long since our last blog?

Although we have been busy ... hope you all had a good Christmas. 

Ours went like this: 

First of all we had to pose in our new Christmas jumpers.

Nice and warm and snuggly, and its not that we're ungrateful, but we really wanted to get on

with the presents and the turkey.

But oh no. We were redressed in our Tron outfits and forced to

go out for a Christmas walk. The Madwoman reckoned it would help us work up an appetite

for Christmas lunch.

As if we needed any exercise to help us stuff ourselves with turkey ...

Finally we got round to present unwrapping ... we had presents from Grandma, our Madwoman, our Auntie Ju and our doggodmother Sarah. Hope they aren't all expecting

us to write thank you letters. We're only just catching up with our blog and

Facebook pages.

Our Grandma immediately tried to steal one of Archie's presents,

a honking crocodile. She said she was just trying to play with it with him.

But we know better. Pensioners are getting a bit out of order these days.

We politely removed it from her before she could try and

take it home, pretending it was hers. 

Angel sensibly took her presents a safe distance away, out of reach

of Grandma's light fingers ...

And then, at last, it was Turkey Time!

As you won't want to watch us eating, we'll leave you with a musical interlude instead...

A field trip

We went on a field trip at the weekend.

Yes, it's definitely a field

We have lots of those at home.
Why have we come all the way to Bath to look at a field?

Hang on, there's something in it.
Apart from grass.

Yes, it appears to be a Flash.
The Madwoman shrieked and yelled at him but he's going a bit deaf.
Well, that was the reason the Madwoman gave for him ignoring her at first.

But then he spotted the carrot and suddenly it was action stations.
So now you know.
If you want to get a Flash's attention,
forget all the jumping about and yelling like a banshee.
Just make a noise like a carrot.

Vacancy filled ...

We didn't realise it, but apparently the post of Whippoet Laureate was empty.

But there's no need for you all to rush to apply, because the vacant seat

has already been filled,

by none other than the wonderfully talented and whippet-loving Joan Lennon* (we shall not dwell on the kitties)

In an appropriate burst of enthusiasm to earn both our approval and her stipend, here is the haiku she composed in our honour: 

                                               Sleek and swift as swifts

in flight, you light on land just

once in every bound.

We love it Joan!

Your first gravy bone will be in the post later today!

* She also writes stonkingly good books, which it is often hard to drag The Madwoman's nose out of. Find out more HERE

And this is us doing zoomies like in the haiku.

All wrapped up

You never know what you're going to learn from one day to the next.

As it is nearly Christmas, this week we thought we would share some of the gift-wrapping tips we have learned while on walks at Chiltern Open Air Museum.

This is how you gift-wrap a wall

If you have a really big present, 

you can always substitute tinsel for wrapping paper.

This is how you gift-wrap a Visitor's Centre.

Animals can be more difficult,

but we thought this was a fair attempt at gift wrapping a horse

 And this is us, also all wrapped up, although against the cold rather than for Christmas.

The Madwoman says we look like special effects from Tron, but what does she know?

Getting the Shivers

We went to the Christmas weekend at Chiltern Open Air Museum today.

By a miracle of modern science Mr Dickens was visiting too,

reading from A Christmas Carol.

Here are possibly the most famous opening lines ever ...

Sorry about it being sideways on.

But you know by now how inept the Madwoman is with a camera.

Maybe you could try lying down to watch it.

Just be grateful that she wasn't holding it upside down. You'd really get

a crick in your neck then ...

And here's Mr Dickens doing a bit more reading.

Fair gave us the shivers.

So we went home and hid under a fleece.