Wednesday, 6 January 2016

Outstanding treats

We are thinking about enrolling the Madwoman on some kind of class
where she can learn to do sums.
It is quite clear that she has absolutely no grasp of even the most basic of
arithmetical skills - which would be fine if it wasn't that her deficiencies in this area are seriously impacting on our enjoyment of life.
Let us explain: 
We got lots of scrummy treats for Christmas.
They turned out to be outstanding in more ways than one though.

Fish skins! We LOVE fish skins!
And it says we can have 5! Each.
We got one. Each.

Nom nom nom.
Sea jerky! We love sea jerky!
And it says we can have 9 each day.
We got one each.

Yum! Special Lily's Kitchen Christmas biscuits with turkey, cranberry
thyme and cinnamon. They smelled so good the Madwoman even nicked one.
Angel read the packet VERY carefully.
It distinctly says we can have 5 biscuits a day.
How many did we get?

Right, you're getting an idea of the nature and scale of the problem now, yes?
This is a pack of luxury chicken, banana, honey, chamomile and lavender biccies.
On the pack it says 'feed any time'.
We got one.

This is a pack of bics for Chubby Dogs.
Bit rude, we thought, but a biscuit is a biscuit and if they're low-cal, then hey,
that means we can eat lots of them, right?
We got one. Each.
Can't go wrong with these, surely?
A tub full of liver training treats.
The label says we can have 60 - yes, that's right, 60 - of them a day. Each.
But you can see the pattern that is emerging, can't you?
We got one. Each.
And because they are training treats we had to do a sit and wait for them.

It appears the Madwoman is unable to add up beyond one.
It's a miracle we haven't starved.
We can only be grateful that division and fractions are equally utterly beyond her.
But just in case, we are keeping sharp knives away from her and
we will be buying her an abacus for her birthday.


Joan Lennon said...

I feel your pain, but on the other paw, if you got one of each of all those yummy things a day you're quids in, right?

madwippitt said...

How can we possibly be quids in when we've been short-changed? We think there's probably an equation somewhere that explains it ...