Seek and we shall find!

 Following the arrival of our super deluxe snufflemat,

we have been instructing

the Madwoman in its use.

Here we are helping her to fill it with treats.

She never puts enough in, meaning we have to do lots of snuffling

before we get to do the munching bit.

 

And this is us showing how to do the snuffley-crunchy-munchy bit.

We are perfecting our technique, which requires dedicated daily practice.

And possibly more treats.

Lots more treats.

Maybe someone could point this out to the Madwoman

as she is plainly taking no notice of us. 

Outstanding treats

We are thinking about enrolling the Madwoman on some kind of class

where she can learn to do sums.

It is quite clear that she has absolutely no grasp of even the most basic of

arithmetical skills - which would be fine if it wasn't that her deficiencies in this area are seriously impacting on our enjoyment of life.

Let us explain: 

We got lots of scrummy treats for Christmas.

They turned out to be outstanding in more ways than one though.

Fish skins! We LOVE fish skins!
And it says we can have 5! Each.
We got one. Each.

Nom nom nom.

Sea jerky! We love sea jerky!

And it says we can have 9 each day.

We got one each.

Yum! Special Lily's Kitchen Christmas biscuits with turkey, cranberry

thyme and cinnamon. They smelled so good the Madwoman even nicked one.

Angel read the packet VERY carefully.

It distinctly says we can have 5 biscuits a day.

Each.

How many did we get?

One.

Each.

Right, you're getting an idea of the nature and scale of the problem now, yes?

This is a pack of luxury chicken, banana, honey, chamomile and lavender biccies.

On the pack it says 'feed any time'.

We got one.

Each.

                                     

This is a pack of bics for Chubby Dogs.

Bit rude, we thought, but a biscuit is a biscuit and if they're low-cal, then hey,

that means we can eat lots of them, right?

Wrong.

We got one. Each.

Can't go wrong with these, surely?

A tub full of liver training treats.

The label says we can have 60 - yes, that's right, 60 - of them a day. Each.

But you can see the pattern that is emerging, can't you?

We got one. Each.

And because they are training treats we had to do a sit and wait for them.

It appears the Madwoman is unable to add up beyond one.

It's a miracle we haven't starved.

We can only be grateful that division and fractions are equally utterly beyond her.

But just in case, we are keeping sharp knives away from her and

we will be buying her an abacus for her birthday.

Santa came!

We had a good Christmas, thank you for asking!

There were presents and turkey and games ... and a good haul of treats from our dog-godmother Sarah, which the Madwoman has doled out far too miserly if you ask us.

Archie did get a bit carried away with the festive spirit and leapt on the dining table after the Madwoman had just laid it, overcome by a combination of hunger, excitement and hope that there might be some turkey up there already.

Unfortunately, when the Madwoman shrieked at him and he leapt off it, he knocked over a wine glass and broke it ... he then stole Angel's present (a squeaky rat) and later on ran round the house with one of the Madwoman's furry slippers. Well, they do look like furry toys. Good thing Santa had already been ...

                              

Opening presents!

 

Angel finds a squeaky rat in hers

 

The rat thief strikes!

Angel ignores him and plays a rousing chorus of Christmas carols instead on the squeaky doughnut she got from her Auntie Julie. And yes, she knows lots and lots of carols, and insists on giving an encore every time!

Christmas countdown

 

Its nearly time to start the Christmas countdown. The Madwoman got out our Advent calendar, which has little numbered pockets that she puts treats in.

We thought this would be a good place to hang it ...

Not impressed!

But oh, no, the Madwoman decided it would be better hung up on the back of a door where we can't reach it, and have to wait until she decides it's time each evening to dole out the treats.

All dressed up and nowhere to go

Angel looking fetching in a polo shirt

Angel got a hole in her side yesterday and had to go to the vet to get it stitched up. It's only a little perforation, but did need the stitch. It's the price we pay for being so beautiful - rice paper thin skin that snags and tears easily.

So, dosed up with Arnica we went to the vet's where Angel was given a local anaesthetic and then had a mattress stitch inserted. Throughout the whole thing she never said a word, but did look like she was sucking on a lemon.

She is now dressed in a Polo shirt of the Madwoman's to help keep her from nibbling at the stitch. And reclining a la Elizabeth Barrett on the sofa awaiting treats and visiting well wishers.

Especially treats.

Eye, eye

Recovering after a visit to the vet.

It's been a busy couple of days for us.

On Monday morning we helped rescue a Bulldog that was wandering around in the middle of the road as we were on our way home from our walk. Or at least the Madwoman rescued him while we sat in the car and barked at him, to make sure he knew she belonged to us and that he certainly wasn't coming home with us. Anyway, we don't get enough food as it is with this diet we're on, let alone enough to share it.

As she was struggling to hang onto him with one hand and read his ID discs and ring his owners with the other, a kindly dustbin man stopped and gave her a bit of rope to serve as a lead. Then he kindly read off the phone number while the Madwoman dialled it into her mobile. Turned out he'd read out the vets number instead of the owners, so a certain amount of confusion ensued as the Madwoman enquired whether they were missing a dog and could they please come and collect it. We helped by barking a bit more.

Eventually the right number was dialled and the Bulldog was duly led off. We were about to settle down for a nap when our god mother called in. The Madwoman tells us she is a Famous Person. We just call her the Godmother. Although she's quite good about dishing out the treats, so maybe we should really call her Treatswoman.

The Godmother aka Sarah Fisher

Yesterday was fairly uneventful but today when we got in from our walk the Madwman noticed that Archie was squinting a bit with his right eye. So no sooner had we got our walking kit off and were hovering expectantly near our food bowls for a bit of grub than the kit went straight back on, we were dragged away from our empty bowls and made to go to the vet.

Archie has a bit of ulceration in his eye. So some ointment for his eye, but no pointy needles thank goodness.

No extra treats either we've noticed.